The cost of carrying what isn’t yours
The invisible weight
There is a pattern that I see repeat itself, over and over again, in almost every senior product and transformation leader that I coach. They carry work that doesn’t belong to them. Emotional, operational, political, and relational work.
They don’t do it because they’re overstepping. They don’t do it because they’re controlling. And they certainly don’t do it because they’re trying to be heroes. They do it because somewhere along the way, the organisation learned that they could be trusted with the things no one else wants to hold. And they’re very good at it.
The ambiguity. The misalignment. The interpersonal tensions. The executive anxiety. The unmade decisions. The fallout of poor leadership upstream. The emotional labour of keeping everyone steady.
They carry it until the weight becomes invisible to everyone except them. Until everyone can’t understand how they can be the only one working such long hours. Until everyone forgets what will fall apart once they stop carrying the weight.
This is the cost of being a high performing leader in environments that reward competence but underinvest in clarity, accountability, and shared ownership.
Let’s unpack how this pattern forms, why it’s so common in product and transformation roles, and what it takes to stop carrying what isn’t yours.
The quiet creep of unowned work
This pattern rarely arrives dramatically. It accumulates quietly. It starts with:
“Can you just take a look at this?”
“You’re great with tricky stakeholders, can you handle this conversation?”
“You’re the only one who really understands the dependencies,”
“Can you smooth this over before it escalates?”
“You’re the steady one, can you join this meeting?”
Individually, these requests seem harmless. Collectively, they reshape your role. You become the person who:
Holds the emotional temperature of the room,
Translates between leaders who aren’t aligned,
Anticipates risks before others see them,
Absorbs the consequences of unclear decisions,
Protects the teams from organisational noise, and
Carries the burden of making things work.
This is not in your job description. Never was. But it becomes your job over time. And because you’re good at it, because you’re exceptional at it, the organisation keeps giving you more of the same.
Why product and transformation leaders are especially prone to this
Your role sits in the organisational terrain where clarity is scarce and ownership is fragmented. You operate in the spaces where:
Strategy meets delivery,
Technology meets operations,
Customer needs meet organisational constraints,
Executive ambition meets reality,
Teams move at different speeds, and
Decisions ripple across functions.
This terrain produces work that doesn’t have a natural home. Work like:
Untangling misaligned priorities,
Mediating between leaders with competing incentives,
Reframing problems that were defined poorly,
Translating technical complexity into business impact,
Managing the emotional fallout of change, and
Holding accountability when no one else will.
Because you can see the whole system and because you understand the interdependencies, the politics, the risks, and the human dynamics, you become the person who steps in.
Not because you want to own it, but because you can’t bear to watch the system fail. Also because you know you will be left to clean up the mess after everything collapses anyway so why no be proactive about it instead?
This is competence. This is care. This is leadership. But it’s also how you end up carrying work that was never yours to begin with.
The emotional cost: you become the buffer
When you carry work that isn’t yours, you become the buffer between:
What executives want and what teams can deliver,
What teams need and what the organisation can support,
What stakeholders expect and what reality allows,
What leaders say and what they actually mean, and
What the system demands and what people can sustain.
This buffer role is invisible. It’s unmeasured. It’s unacknowledged. And it’s exhausting because you’re not just carrying tasks. You’re carrying:
Other people’s anxiety,
Other people’s indecision,
Other people’s conflict,
Other people’s avoidance, and
Other people’s expectations.
The more you carry, the more people assume you can and will carry.
The identity cost: you become the organisational shock absorber
When you consistently carry what isn’t yours, your leadership identity starts to shift. People describe you as:
“The steady one,”
“The one who can handle anything,”
“The one who keeps things moving,”
“The one who smooths things over,” and
“The one who can deal with difficult stakeholders.”
Yes these are compliments, but they are also constraints. They position you as the person who absorbs complexity, not the person who shapes it. You become the shock absorber, the person who protects the system from its own dysfunctions.
Shock absorbers are essential, but they’re rarely promoted.
The opportunity cost: you lose strategic altitude
When you’re carrying work that isn’t yours, you lose the altitude required for:
Strategic framing,
Enterprise thinking,
Narrative shaping,
Portfolio orchestration,
Long term decision making, and
Influence across power structures.
You’re too busy stabilising the present to shape the future. You’re too busy absorbing complexity to elevate the conversation. You’re too busy holding everything together to step into the work that would expand your range and visibility.
This is not a capability issue. It’s a capacity and boundary issue.
How high impact leaders stop carrying what isn’t theirs
They get brutally clear on what belongs to them and what doesn’t
This requires asking:
“What is actually mine to own?”
“What am I holding because others won’t?”
“What am I carrying because I can, not because I should?”
“What would happen if I didn’t pick this up?”
Clarity is the first boundary.
They stop rescuing the system from itself
This is the hardest shift. You have to let:
Misalignment surface,
Leaders feel the consequences of unclear decisions,
Teams escalate appropriately, and
Stakeholders experience the impact of their choices.
Not to punish, but to create accountability.
They return work to its rightful owner
This is a skill. It sounds like:
“This sits with X. I’ll support, but I won’t lead,”
“This decision belongs to you. What do you want to do?”
“I can help clarify, but I won’t carry the execution,”
“This risk sits in your portfolio. How do you want to manage it?”
You’re not dropping the ball. You’re putting it back where it belongs.
They build leadership range, not leadership load
Instead of taking on more, they expand their influence through:
Clean framing,
Strategic narrative,
Enterprise level thinking,
Relationship orchestration,
Decision facilitation, and
Emotional steadiness without emotional absorption.
Range is what elevates you. Load is what traps you.
They let go of the identity that formed around carrying
This is the real transformation. You release:
Being the fixer,
Being the buffer,
Being the stabiliser,
Being the one who always steps in, and
Being the one who holds everything together.
These identities served you well in the past, but they don’t scale.
If you’re carrying too much, it’s not a personal failing. It’s a leadership inflection point
Every senior product and transformation leader reaches this moment. It’s not a sign you’re weak. It’s a sign you’re ready for a different kind of leadership. A kind of leadership that is defined by:
Boundaries,
Clarity,
Strategic altitude,
Influence without over functioning,
Impact without emotional overload, and
Ownership without carrying the whole system.
This is the shift from being the person who holds everything together to being the person who moves the organisation forward.
If you want to stop carrying what isn’t yours and lead with more clarity, range, and ease, let’s work on this together. Here are three ways:
Influencing for Impact: This practical 2-day workshop is for you if you want to influence a decision maker, influence a change in customer or colleague behaviour, or influence someone to buy something from you,
Executive and Leadership Team Coaching: Work directly with Lai-Ling to problem solve for your specific situation in a confidential setting. This is for you if you want to develop and execute on a game plan that is 100% tailored to you, or
Leadership Development: Invest in the product and transformation leaders in your company with leadership development that is customised for their role. This is for you if you want your people to learn about people and politics.