The currency of reciprocity: building influence through favours and exchanges
Influence as an exchange
Influence isn’t only about authority, expertise, or reputation. It’s also about reciprocity. The subtle, ongoing exchange of favours, support, and goodwill that builds trust and creates leverage
Reciprocity is the invisible currency of organisational life. Every time you help someone, you make a deposit into the relationship bank. Every time someone helps you, you create a bond of obligation. Product and transformation leaders who understand this dynamic don’t just trade favours. They build networks of loyalty and influence that endure
Why reciprocity matters in organisational politics
Reciprocity isn’t about manipulation. It’s about mutually investing in each other. It:
creates trust. People are more likely to support those who have supported them
builds alliances. Reciprocity strengthens coalitions across silos
balances power. Even without authority, reciprocity creates leverage
signals fairness. Leaders who give as much as they take are seen as principled
sustains momentum. Reciprocity keeps relationships active and engaged
The risks of ignoring reciprocity
There are real risks if reciprocity breaks down in the workplace. It can create perceptions of:
one way giving. Always helping without asking creates imbalances and resentment
one way taking. Always asking without giving erodes goodwill
transactional optics. If reciprocity feels like a ledger, trust collapses and someone is always keeping score
unclear boundaries. Over reciprocating can lead to burnout or blurred priorities
Example 1: The silent withdrawal
A Head of Transformation consistently helped her peers but never asked for support. Over time, colleagues just assumed she didn’t need help. When she finally did, no one stepped forward because she’s always figured things out herself and make things happen
Lesson: reciprocity requires both giving and asking
Example 2: The over taker
A General Manager of Product frequently asked peers for favours but rarely reciprocated. His reputation became that of someone who was self serving. When he needed support and sponsorship for a major initiative, colleagues withheld their support
Lesson: taking without giving erodes political capital
Example 3: The balanced exchange
A General Manager in Strategy and Transformation regularly offered her expertise to peers and, in return, asked for their input on her initiatives. The reciprocity created a web of mutual trust and investment. When she launched a high risk project, her coalition of supporters rallied behind her
Lesson: balanced reciprocity builds resilience
Practicing reciprocity
Getting the balance right isn’t always easy. There isn’t a golden ratio to work with. Big favours might need a bigger favour or a series of smaller favours to balance it out. A series of small favours may be reciprociated with a series of small favours from the other person. You get the picture. But there are some principles which you could follow to figure out what is the right balance for each person you interact with:
map your exchanges. Who have you helped recently? Who has helped you? Where are the imbalances?
give strategically. Offer help where it builds trust and alignment. Small favours often matter more than grand gestures
ask intentionally. Don’t hesitate to request support. Asking creates opportunities for others to invest in you
acknowledge contributions. Publicly credit those who help you. Gratitude reinforces reciprocity
sustain the cycle. Keep exchanges active. Reciprocity is a rhythm, not a one off
Other things you may want to consider include:
banking favours early. Help others before you need their support
reciprocating across levels. Support peers, juniors, and seniors. Influence flows in all directions
leveraging symbolic reciprocity. Sometimes a small, visible gesture (e.g. public recognition) carries more weight than a large, private one
converting reciprocity into sponsorship. Consistent exchanges with senior leaders can evolve into advocacy
Common mistakes leaders make
Product and transformation leaders can often fall into the trap of:
treating reciprocity as a transaction. A “I did this, now you owe me” attitude undermines trust
over promising. Offering more than you can deliver damages your credibility
ignoring the optics. Quiet reciprocity is good, but sometimes visible exchanges strengthen reputation
reciprocating indiscriminately. Not all favours are equal. Invest where alignment matters
Being generous and strategic
Reciprocity requires balance. Too much generosity without strategy leads to exhaustion. Too much strategy without generosity feels manipulative. The best product and transformation leaders:
give freely but wisely
ask without guilt
acknowledge openly
sustain reciprocity as a rhythm and not a series of transactions
Example 4: The reciprocity multiplier
A Chief Operating Officer made it a habit to consistently demonstrae small, visible acts of reciprocity. She endorsed her peers’ initiatives, placed spotlights on teams to celebrate their contributions, and offered quick timely advice. Over time, her reputation as a generous leader multiplied her influence. When she needed backing for a controversial decision, her network responded with overwhelming support
Lesson: reciprocity compounds over time
Your homework for this week
Who have you helped recently? Who have you allowed to help you? Where is the reciprocity out of balance?
Things you could do to help you with this:
map your current reciprocity network
identify one relationship where you’ve given more than you’ve asked
identify one relationship where you’ve asked more than you’ve given
plan one act of giving and one act of asking this week
track how reciprocity shifts your influence over time
Why this matters
Reciprocity is the glue that holds alliances together. It’s the quiet currency that builds trust, balances power, and sustains influence
Product and transformation leaders who master reciprocity don’t just trade favours. They create networks of loyalty and goodwill that outlast their titles and roles. They know that in leadership, influence isn’t owned. It’s exchanged
Want to strategically increase your influence one generous act at a time?
Let’s work on this together. Here are three ways:
Influencing for Impact: This practical 2-day workshop is for you if you want to influence a decision maker, influence a change in customer or colleague behaviour, or influence someone to buy something from you
Executive and Leadership Team Coaching: Work directly with Lai-Ling to problem solve for your specific situation in a confidential setting. This is for you if you want to develop and execute on a game plan that is 100% tailored to you
Leadership Development: Invest in the product and transformation leaders in your company with leadership development that is customised for their role. This is for you if you want your people to learn about people and politics