The politics of saying no: protecting your focus without burning bridges
Why saying no is political
Every product and transformation leader knows that sinking feeling you get when another request lands on your desk, another “urgent” initiative needs your attention, or another stakeholder insisting their project is top priority
You can’t say yes to everything. But in leadership, saying no isn’t just about workload. It’s about politics. A careless no can damage relationships you’ve spent a lot of time and effort building. A careless no can trigger resistance and lose you the support you’ve been lobbying hard for. A careless no can brand you as uncooperative and not a team player. A strategic no, on the other hand, can protect your focus, strengthen your credibility, and even build trust when done right
The politics of saying no isn’t simply about rejection. It’s about redirection
Why leaders struggle to say no
We attach big complex feelings to this tiny simple word because we want to preserve our relationships. We:
fear we will damage our relationships. We worry that a no will be taken personally
have an innate desire to be seen as collaborative. We equate that yes with teamwork
have unclear priorities. We feel like everything is equally important when we don’t have clarity
want short term relief. We think saying yes avoids conflict and keeps the peace, but it creates overload and overwhelm later on
The result? Product and transformation leaders who say yes too often dilute their impact and erode trust when they inevitably under deliver
The cost of saying yes too often
Ironically, saying yes too often can make you less collaborative in the long run because you’ve stretched yourself beyond the point where you can show up fully and provide your best contributions. You end up with:
overcommitment and burnout for yourself by spreading yourself too thin
loss of credibility because you fail to deliver on your promises
strategic drift because you spend your energy on other people’s priorities instead of your own
confusion and burnout for your team because you pass the ambiguity and overload downstream
Every day you bounce your way through back to back meetings, skipping lunch, and foregoing bathroom breaks. When you sit down after the last meeting, you are left exhausted and wondering why you haven’t achieved anything all day since the pile of real work is still waiting for you to complete after hours
The power of a strategic no
A well delivered no can:
protect your focus. This allows you to keep your energy on what matters most
signal clarity. This shows everyone that you know where your priorities lie
build respect. This is affirming as people trust leaders who can set boundaries to protect themselves and their teams
open up alternatives. This enables you to redirect the requestor to other solutions or resources that could help them instead
The key is in how you say it
Example 1: The redirect
A Chief Transformation Officer was asked to sponsor a side project outside of her remit. Instead of a blunt no, she said: “This isn’t where I can add the most value right now. But I know someone who could be a great fit. Let me connect you”
The requestor felt supported, the Chief Transformation Officer protected her focus, and her portfolio of initiatives kept momentum and kept moving forward
Lesson: a no with a redirect preserves goodwill
Example 2: The strategic trade off
A Vice President of Product was asked by the executive leadership team to take on an additional initiative. He replied: “I can do this, but it will mean delaying X. Which is more important for the business to focus on right now?”
By framing the decision as a trade off, he shifted the decision back to his executive leadership team, gained their respect for being commercially astute, and protected his team from being overloaded
Lesson: a no framed as a choice builds respect and alignment
Example 3: The values based no
A Product Lead was being pressured to cut corners on a compliance process to get a product out to market before their competitors beat them to the punch. She said: “I can’t support this because it puts our integrity and our reputation on the market at risk. We are known for having world class products that our clients trust because they’re safe and secure by design. Here’s an alternative that achieves speed without compromising on our standards”
Her stance reinforced her credibility and her values, even though it meant saying no to a senior stakeholder
Lesson: a no anchored in values strengthens trust
So then how do I say no?
The key is in how you deliver the message when you say no:
acknowledge the request. Show that you’ve heard and respected it
affirm the relationship. Signal that your no isn’t personal
explain the rationale. Link your no to priorities, capacity, or values
offer an alternative. Redirect to another resource, timeline, or approach
stay consistent. Don’t backtrack under pressure unless circumstances truly change
Other things you can do once you’ve mastered the basics include:
using timing strategically. A delayed no (“not now”) can soften the impact but make sure you truly intend to revisit the ask and you are not just kicking the can down the road simply to be nice
leveraging data. Objectively show capacity constraints or priority (mis)alignment
framing it as an opportunity cost. Highlight what saying yes would displace
enlisting allies. Sometimes a no lands better when reinforced by others
Common mistakes leaders make
As a product and transformation leader, you genuinely want to be helpful. But you are under significant pressure every single moment of every single day. It’s only human to slip up, so when someone catches you at a bad moment, it’s not unusual for you to fall into one or more of these common mistakes:
overexplaining. Long justifications can sound defensive
blunt rejection. A flat “no” without context damages trust
inconsistency. Saying no to some and yes to others without clear rationale breeds resentment
avoidance. Dodging the no creates confusion and frustration
Relationships and boundaries
Too many no’s and you risk being seen as obstructive. Too few no’s and you risk being seen as unfocused. The best product and transformation leaders:
say no selectively. They protect focus without shutting down collaboration
anchor in priorities. They make it clear their no is about strategy, not ego
offer alternatives. They show they still want to help, just differently
stay values driven. They use no to reinforce their integrity
Your homework for this week
What’s one request you’ve said yes to recently that you should have said no to? How will you handle it differently next time?
Things you could do to help you with this:
identify one upcoming request you’re likely to receive
draft a values based, priority anchored no
prepare an alternative to offer
practice delivering it with clarity and empathy
notice how the relationship responds
Why this matters
Saying no is one of the most politically charged decisions you will need to make in leadership. It signals what you value, how you prioritise, and how you manage relationships
Product and transformation leaders who master the politics of the no don’t just protect their focus. They build credibility, trust, and respect. They show that boundaries aren’t barriers. They’re commitments to what matters most
Saying no allows you to redefine what it means to say yes. Don’t say yes simply because someone expects you to. Say yes because it’s the right thing for you to do. Most people find it hard to say no. Oprah was 40 before she learnt to say no and look where she is now! It’s never too late to start
Want to say no and deliver the message in a way that strengthens your relationships rather than erode them?
Let’s work on this together. Here are three ways:
Influencing for Impact: This practical 2-day workshop is for you if you want to influence a decision maker, influence a change in customer or colleague behaviour, or influence someone to buy something from you
Executive and Leadership Team Coaching: Work directly with Lai-Ling to problem solve for your specific situation in a confidential setting. This is for you if you want to develop and execute on a game plan that is 100% tailored to you
Leadership Development: Invest in the product and transformation leaders in your company with leadership development that is customised for their role. This is for you if you want your people to learn about people and politics