The unwritten rules of power: seeing the invisible game
The game beneath the game
Every organisation has two playbooks
The first is the official one: the org chart, the governance framework, the policies and processes. It’s the one you see in onboarding packs and in leadership briefings. It’s clean, it’s logical, and on paper it’s fair
The second is the real playbook: the unwritten rules of power. These are the norms, the habits, and the invisible agreements that dictate how things actually get done in your organisation. None of this is documented, but all of it is deeply understood by those who have been around long enough to know that they should read the room before they read the agenda
If you’ve ever wondered why a technically sound proposal stalled, or why a less qualified candidate got the job, or why a decision was made before the meeting even started, then you’ve brushed up against these rules and misread the room if a result surprised you
Why the unwritten rules matter
If you’re in a senior leadership role, ignoring the unwritten roles isn’t just naïve, it’s risky. These rules:
shape decision making. They determine who gets consulted, whose opinion carries weight, and what “consensus” really means
influence priorities. They determine which projects get fast tracked and which ones languish
protect or challenge the status quo. They reinforce existing power structures or quietly shift them
Product and transformation leaders who understand these rules can navigate with agility. Those who don’t risk being blindsided, sidelined, or quietly undermined
The nature of unwritten rules
Unwritten rules are rarely malicious. They often emerge as coping mechanisms in complex systems. As:
workarounds for slow processes (e.g. “if you want this approved, talk to Finance before you submit the form”)
cultural norms that help smooth out relationships (e.g. “never challenge the CEO in public, take it offline”)
informal hierarchies that reflect influence rather than title (e.g. “if Priya is on board, the rest of the executive team will follow”)
Unwritten rules are adaptive, but they can also be exclusionary; especially for new leaders or those who have recently joined from different organisational cultures
Common mistakes leaders make
Common mistakes inadvertently show up in your day to day when you or your colleagues judge and complain about other peoples’ behaviours, simply because it’s not how you would have wanted things to be done. These complaints could include elements such as:
assuming meritocracy is enough. Believing that good work will speak for itself without having to navigate the politics
applying old rules to new contexts. What worked in your last team or your last organisation may not work in your new team or your new organisation
mistaking silence for agreement. In some cultures, dissent is expressed indirectly and reading between the lines in mandatory
over correcting into cynicism. Recognising the rules doesn’t mean abandoning your values. The goal is to navigate them with integrity, not to manipulate yourself or others
An example might be: “I’m not getting any of my real work done because I’m wasting so much time and effort trying to get everyone on board in the plethora of meetings before the actual meeting - we should just have an open and honest dialogue with everyone in the room at the same time". Arguably, this is your most valuable work if it helps you achieve the outcome you’re after in an organisational culture that is not at the maturity level you’d like it to be. It is important work If it helps you eliminate the massive stack of reporting, business cases, slide decks, and other pointless paperwork that you otherwise would have had to generate; only to have no one read them or make a decision from them
How to spot the rules
Consider yourself an anthropologist who has been introduced to a new tribe. Your job is to observe, listen, and decode
Watch the interactions:
who speaks in meetings, and who influences decision afterwards?
whose opinion is sought before a decision is finalised?
which topics are avoided in public forums?
Trace the success stories:
which initiatives succeed here, and why?
who championed them, and how did they build support?
Ask the right questions:
“If I wanted to get this done quickly, who should I talk to first?”
“What’s one thing a newcomer should know to get things done here?”
Decoding and using the rules
You need to know the rules in order to play the game. You also need to know the rules in order to change the rules once you’ve earnt enough trust, credibility, and influence to be able to start shifting the culture closer to the maturity level you’d like it to be
map out the informal decision making chain. Who needs to be on board before a decision is “safe” to make?
identify the gatekeepers and the influencers. These may not be the most senior people, but they’re the ones others listen to
test small moves. Apply the rules in low stakes situations first to see how they play out for you
integrate the rules with your values. Use the rules to navigate, not to compromise your integrity. If a rule conflicts with your principles, creatively find a way to reconcile the conflict and work around it without burning trust or burning out
Play the game without losing yourself
Understanding the unwritten rules doesn’t mean you have to like them. It means you can choose when to work within them, when to challenge them, and when to change them
Leaders with political savvy:
adapt without losing authenticity. They flex their approach without faking their values
challenge strategically. They pick their battles and fight for things that truly matter without sweating the small stuff, and they prepare allies before making a move
model transparency. They make some of the unwritten rules explicit, especially when it helps others succeed. Just like emotional regulation starts with naming the emotion that is being felt, the ability to turn around an organisation’s culture starts with naming the behaviours that are being exhibited
Once you’ve mastered reading the rules of your organisation, you can start to shape them by:
creating new norms. Model behaviours you want to see adopted
sponsoring others. Bring new voices into the informal decision making loop
documenting the good rules. Turn helpful unwritten norms into explicit practices and embed them into your operating rhythm
Your homework for this week
What’s one unwritten rule in your organisation that you’ve learnt the hard way? How could you use it to your advantage, or change it for the better?
Things you could do to help you with this:
spend the next week observing without judgment
map one decision from start to finish, including the informal steps
identify one ally who can help you navigate the rules more effectively
Why this matters
The unwritten rules are the operating system of your organisation. You can ignore them, but they’ll still run in the background, shaping outcomes, alliances, and opportunities. Product and transformation leaders who can read and work these rules into the way they operate don’t just survive, they earn the right to shape the game for themselves and others
Want help to understand your organisation’s unwritten rules and turn them into your leadership advantage?
Let’s work on this together. Here are three ways:
Influencing for Impact: This practical 2-day workshop is for you if you want to influence a decision maker, influence a change in customer or colleague behaviour, or influence someone to buy something from you
Executive and Leadership Team Coaching: Work directly with Lai-Ling to problem solve for your specific situation in a confidential setting. This is for you if you want to develop and execute on a game plan that is 100% tailored to you
Leadership Development: Invest in the product and transformation leaders in your company with leadership development that is customised for their role. This is for you if you want your people to learn about people and politics