The politics of saying no: creating boundaries without the backlash
No as a signal of power
In leadership, every “no” is more than just a refusal. It’s a signal that reveals your values, your priorities, and your political instincts
Handled poorly, a no can damage alliances and create enemies. Handled well, it can strengthen respect, clarify your leadership stance, and even expand your influence
This article isn’t about saying no to help manage your workload. We’ve already covered that in a previous article. This article is about how to decline requests in ways that protect your reputation, preserve your relationships, and project your authority
Why boundaries are political
Boundaries exist to protect you, but there are politics at play around them. They:
define your leadership brand. People watch what you decline as closely as what you accept
redistribute influence. Saying no shifts resources, attention, and visibility
test alliances. A no can either fracture or deepen trust, depending on how it’s delivered
shape narratives. Your refusals become stories other tell about your fairness, courage, or arrogance
The political risks of mishandling no’s
A mishandled “no” can undo everything you’ve done to build your influence to date. Things to consider when you’re thinking about delivering a “no”:
optics of arrogance. A blunt no can look like a power play
perceived disloyalty. Declining a sponsor or ally without care can be seen as a betrayal
loss of reciprocity. If you refuse without offering something back, you weaken the exchange balance
narrative hijack. Others may spin you no into something that is selfish and obstructive
Example 1: The dismissive decline
A General Manager in Transformation responded to a peer’s request with “that’s not my problem.” The optics? Cold, arrogant, uncollaborative. Months later, when she needed that peer’s support on an initiative she was trying to get off the ground, the door was firmly closed with no further room for discussion or negotiation
Lesson: the tone of your no shapes your political capital
Example 2: The respectful refusal
A General Manager in Product declined to join a new initiative, saying “if I commit, I want to do it well. Right now, I’d risk letting you down. Here’s someone who can give it the attention it deserves.” The requester felt respected, not rejected
Lesson: a principled no can enhance your credibility
Example 3: The deferral the preserved trust
A Head of Transformation said no, not now, to being involved in a task force but offered to revisit in six months. The sponsor appreciated the honesty and kept the relationship in tact
Lesson: A “not now” can be more powerful than a flat refusal but mean it when you offer to revisit the ask later down the track
How to shape politically savvy no’s
Things you can do to assess requests and formulate appropriate responses include:
reading the request politically. Who’s asking? What’s at stake for them? What’s the political cost of declining?
acknowledging the stakes. Signal respect: “I see why this matters to you”
offering a bridge. Suggest an alternative person, resource, or timing
reinforcing the relationship. Close with partnership language: “I want to keep supporting you in ways that are sustainable”
Sometimes you will need to go above and beyond, using:
the yes, but reframed no. Accept the request in principle, but reshape the scope to protect your priorities
the values based no. Decline by appealing to fairness or integrity: “I can’t commit because it would disadvantage others”
the coalition. Decline as an individual, but propose a group solution which will strengthen alliances at the same time
the symbolic no. A visible refusal that signals courage, aligns to organisational goals, and is not about personal circumstances (e.g. declining a pet project that undermines strategy)
Common mistakes leaders make
Attitude does not inspire gratitude. Think about when you’ve seen others:
weaponise their no’s. Using refusals to score points on or punish rivals
ghost requestors. Avoiding the conversation altogether erodes trust faster than a direct no
over delegate. Passing requests onto unprepared juniors damages both their credibility and yours
deliver performative no’s. Declining loudly to signal toughness can often backfire
Balancing authority with empathy
The politically savvy no is firm enough to project authority and empathetic enough to preserve relationships. The best product and transformation leaders:
say no with clarity, not defensiveness
frame no as protecting shared priorities, not personal comfort
offer bridges to preserve goodwill
signal respect even in refusal
Example 4: The empowering decline
A Chief Product Officer declined to personally lead a high profile initiative but nominated a rising leader from within her team. The optics? She protected her bandwidth, empowered talent, and strengthened her reputation as a strong sponsor of others
Lesson: a no can expand your influence if it elevates others
Your homework for this week
Think of the last time you said no. Did it weaken or strengthen your political capital? What signal did it send about your leadership?
Things you could do to help you with this if you prefer to think forwards and not backwards:
identify one upcoming request with political stakes
map the requestor’s agenda and the risks of refusal
draft a principled no anchored in fairness, integrity, or alignment
add a bridge (i.e. alternative, deferral, or coalition)
deliver it with authority and empathy
Why this matters
Every no is a test of your judgment, your values, and your ability to balance boundaries with relationships
Product and transformation leaders who master the politics of saying no don’t just protect their time. They protect their credibility, their alliances, and their influence. They know that in leadership, a no isn’t just a refusal. It’s a signal. When delivered wisely, a no strengthens both your boundaries and your political capital
Want to say no without decimating your hard earnt political capital?
Let’s work on this together. Here are three ways:
Influencing for Impact: This practical 2-day workshop is for you if you want to influence a decision maker, influence a change in customer or colleague behaviour, or influence someone to buy something from you
Executive and Leadership Team Coaching: Work directly with Lai-Ling to problem solve for your specific situation in a confidential setting. This is for you if you want to develop and execute on a game plan that is 100% tailored to you
Leadership Development: Invest in the product and transformation leaders in your company with leadership development that is customised for their role. This is for you if you want your people to learn about people and politics